That stupid mirror in my room

Since as long as I can remeber I have had this mirror in my room. It is currently not exactly that clean, and I really don't care to clean it. It has sat on the eye level shelf of my bookshelfs since about the third grade, probably a little before. And that mirror has been there for all of my denial phases. For me to stare into and feel so much more confused. Queer words weren't taboo in my house growing up. They just weren't used that much because there wasn't really much reasons for them to be I guess. My first concrete memory surrounding queer identity and my limited knowledge on it is learning in kindergarden that a kid in my class had two moms. I asked my parents if two girls could marry, and they said yeah. I realized that probably meant two boys could marry as well and they confirmed. I thought that was really cool, but it was never really brought up again. I never really remembered it until about 2 years ago. But that's irrelevant. We skip forward a few years. I'm now in the third grade and everythings a little chaotic, not much time to think. And for some reason queerness is brought up in my house again. I learn about the words Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, I have the whole acronym in my heart now. Don't really remember why it got brought up. All I remeber is standing in front of that stupid mirror with my long hair I had never liked growing out and thinking, those words make sense. I sat and I thought and got up. Eyes on the then clean mirror I asked myself, am I really a girl? The word at that moment felt like an ill fitting shoe, and itchy sweater I was forced to wear. I stared myself down tears gathering in my eyes that I quickly blinked away. And then in a lighthearted twisting skip from that impossible question I said to myself- well I'm not a boy so I guess I've gotta be. The word nonbinary wasn't taught to third grade me. The feeling of complete relief and understanding at there being others like me would not hit me in the heart until the sixth grade. Three years and a lot of weird shit later. That mirror is also where I convinced myself of my complete and definite straightness. This wasn't even lack of words, but lack of confidence. I thought I was feeling it for attention, though I told no one. I thought it was just that I was young, here I stand still the same. That mirror I looked in the eye that happened to be mine and told, you aren't bi you just want to like girls too cause they're pretty. I was a genius, truly. -Charlie. (sorry for the shorter post it's been a long day)